“Melancholy Leaks” is a poem that was written during the roughest time of my life. My will was weak, my mind was lost and my soul ached. I’m working on a full length novel called “From Nowhere.” “Melancholy Leaks” is the first of many poems that will be featured in the novel. In chapter one, “From Nowhere” begins at Algonkian Park on the banks of the Potomac River. As I contemplated my fate that day, I wrote the first 22 lines of “Melancholy Leaks.” While they’re dark and revealing, I tried to capture the truth of that day. Poetry is theraputic for me. I truly believe that the “therapy session” it provided me on that day, saved my life. I didn’t want to share this one, but I know that I must. One of you out there may stumble upon it, and find it as theraputic as I did…and still do. I’ll be adding a combination reading of “Melancholy Leaks” & another poem called “Quasar” later this morning. Sometimes, to truly feel the words of a poem, they must be spoken.
When the souls lift from the water,
And hover in the morning mist.
Hanging in the balance,
As I contemplate opening my wrist.
The river is calm,
As I’m seated, scribing a list.
…Of pro’s and con’s,
Why I should, or shouldn’t continue this.
The scales have recently tipped,
As I’ve steadily lost my grip.
And the tipping point’s arrival,
Coincided with when I started to slip.
A trip and a fall from grace,
Written on a face that looks worn.
But my lips speak not a trace,
It’s hard to admit when you’re torn.
You’re hearts in a million pieces,
You’re battered, bruised and scorn.
And you start questioning the logic,
As to why you were even born.
Forlorn, your melancholy leaks,
Quiet as a mouse until the pen speaks.
You feel cursed,
Instead of embracing the unique.
Your whole life in a duffel bag,
At your wit’s end from the base- staring at the peak.
It used to look so close,
Attainable, it should’ve been all yours.
Now if you tried to scale that mountain,
You wouldn’t have enough sweat in your pores.
Enough beats in your heart,
Enough will in your bones, enough passion in your core.
To prove that you’re so much more.
So you’ve stopped settling scores,
And you’ve started to settle for less.
Now you’re all alone, without a home,
And the antithesis of at your best.
It would be easy to join the souls,
In the mist, and lay myself to rest.
Revolver under the driver’s seat,
Mocking me, saying- “be my guest.”
It’s all a test.
And right now, I’m willing to just fail.
Become one with the water,
To break my mind out of this jail.
But then I think of my daughters,
And all of my untold tails.
If their last vision of me is rock bottom,
Why would they ever want to prevail?
The one gust in my sails,
That makes this harder than a coffin nail.
But, what good would I be doing,
If I keep beating the same trail?
I’m in a full scale battle,
Just trying to shed some light.
How I even made it this far,
Doesn’t even seem right.
Fell on my face everytime,
-that I swore I’d keep my focus tight.
And do the things that I need to do,
To lift me above my plight.
But it’s so easy to lose sight,
When you’ve been where I’ve been.
Some memories are more difficult,
-to just toss in a trash bin.
It sent me on a downward spin,
Alone and crawling in my own skin.
And it feels like every battle,
Is one that I’m not prepared to win.
But by the grace of God,
Somehow, I keep holding up my chin.