Tensions are high. Kim Jong Un and North Korea are keeping us all on edge.
Jong Un’s maneuvers are well documented. The news begins and ends with more troubling posturing by the diminutive “Supreme Leader.” He is a 30 year old who has his finger on the proverbial trigger. For most Americans, they’ll tell you that we should blow them up and be done with it. Ahh, if things were just that simple. Unfortunately they’re not.
So, how do we stop this impulsive madman?
I think we’ve all been looking at this the wrong way. I think there is a simple answer. It is well chronicled that Kim Jong Un has a deep disdain for the United States- at the same time he has an affinity for American pop culture. When Dennis Rodman was in his country with the Harlem Globetrotters, he treated him like royalty.
Dennis Rodman alone isn’t enough to change Kim Jong Un’s wicked ways. When you analyze the little leader, several things stand out. Aside from his height and his demeanor, his haircut jumps out at you. First off, it looks like he managed to fly-in your average American Hair Cuttery stylist. You know, Denise, who smokes cigarettes and complains about her kids while she cuts your hair.
Upon further inspection however, something became quite clear. American rap artist Macklemore has the exact same hair cut. Coincidence? I think not.
I bet you Kim Jong Un is in his gargantuan “Supreme Leader” mansion listening to Thrift Shop this very moment. Why else would another man have this haircut? The answer- Kim Jong Un is infatuated with Macklemore.
If we check IP addresses, I bet you that the President of Macklemore’s fan club just happens to be using Jong Un’s laptop. He’ll blame and execute someone else for this, but- I know it’s you Kim.
The s0lution? Give Macklemore to the North Korean tyrant. Sure, we’d lose all of the catchy tunes he and Ryan Lewis have to offer- but we’d gain peace of mind.
Macklemore could serenade him each night as he lays down for slumber. He could sing to him in the shower, at dinner, at executions, at nuclear briefings and of course when Denise flies in from America and gives him the “Mack” haircut. Macklemore wouldn’t like it, but he would like the fact that he’d go down as a true American hero.
Kim Jong Un may require Ryan Lewis and the whole Macklemore gang to come along as well. Send them. Send them all. It’s a small price to pay for peace.
We need to think outside-the-box with this. The other option would be to send a robotic Macklemore that would self destruct and kill the Un-Supreme Leader. The main problem with that? There is simply no way to replicate the “Mack” haircut on a robot. Not even Denise from Hair Cuttery can solve that problem. One Macklemore is worth the peace that millions would gain.
You’re welcome world.